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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Someone Else's Miracle

It doesn't seem fair that someone else gets to hug their baby before they sleep tonight.  It doesn't seem fair that Jace had to die so that other people could be happy.  I know it's right though.  Keeping his heart won't bring him back.  Instead it will beat inside of another little person, and maybe a little bit of Jace's joy will rub off on them. 

His heart is going to a baby in Missouri, his kidneys to a young child in OKC, and his liver to a teenager in San Antonio.  Jace's name means "healer" and today he is doing that for others.  I have seen him heal my dad from perpetual blahs.  I have seen him heal my mom from feeling like she had no purpose in life.  I have seen him heal my sister in every way.  He has made my life worth living everyday for the last 2 years, six months, and 28 days and healed my chronic lonliness.  I miss him so much I feel like I the grief will swallow me whole.  I never understood phrases like that until now.  I never understood being so upset that you don't feel like eating. 

I have had several other friends who seemed to love Jesus with all their hearts give up on him.  I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON HIM.  I don't understand why.  But I don't know everything.  Losing Jace with Jesus is hard enough.  I cannot imagine losing Jace without him.  And if I took the time I could probably make this more eloquent, but for those of you I am writing about now - Jesus still hasn't given up on you.  I want you to meet Jace someday. 

This makes me think of the story Jesus told about the house built on the sand and the one built on the rock.  My house isn't going to fall.  If it can stand through this it can stand through anything.  Some of you need to rebuild your houses in a better place. 

I am now going to tell my favorite person in the entire universe "See ya la'er!" 

44 comments:

  1. Stacey, this is beautiful. Jace continues to give and your family continues to share. I know Jesus was there to meet Jace at the gate himself. There are no doubts of that. Jace will always be with you in your heart and in spirit; and I know we will all meet him/see him again.
    Prayers still going strong for your family. Your story has touched thousands of lives.

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  2. Jace was a true miracle and a healer for sure. Bless him and all of you that will miss him here on Earth. may God watch over you and help you through the rough times ahead. Always know Jace knew how much he was loved and that you gave him the best life he could have ever had.

    I know it's difficult right now and it will be for a long time to come. But on those days when you are really feeling a good cry coming on,try to smile a little know Jace lives in these other miracles lives and because of his sad sacrifice more miracles have been given.

    I will keep you all in our prayers and I know Jace is smiling down on the decisions and the wonderful life you have given him! Hugs

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  3. youre the best stace. i wish i could swallow your grief whole. imsorryimsorryimsorry.

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  4. Stacey... that was so beautiful. You have such faith, it's humbling.

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  5. Love you. We'll make it. Cause we have to.

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  6. No words. Just "WOW" from *your* words. I'm incredibly touched by all of this- and I admire you for your faith, love, and passion you keep for Jesus. Thank you for your faith and reminding us that hope isn't lost. I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could do lots of things for you, and yet, I don't even know you- but I hurt for you, I cry for you, and I wish I could make everything all better.
    Please keep us updated on how you and your family are doing.

    Psalm 34:18

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  7. thank you for sharing your thoughts in these blogs. I'm encouraged to know you haven't given up on Jesus. Nothing about this is fair or makes sense, but I'm thankful you're still trusting in the One who loves and comforts you. Amazing faith! You are an example to others. Looking forward to hugging you in a few days!

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  8. Your heart is so very large to unselfishly give life to others through Jace's passing. May you find peace and joy in your gift.

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  9. God Bless You! This is a wonderful testimony of faith, surrender, and Gods glory. Through Jace's life, and now his death, people can and will be brought to Christ! Amen Sister!

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  10. Our hope is not in what we pray for...our hope is in the Lord.
    My hope is in the name of the Lord. He is my strength...my song. My soul can rest, I'm in His arms, where I belong.
    These are lines from two different songs that I thought might speak to you right now. You write...I sing. I'm so glad to hear you vow not to give up on Jesus. We may never understand this side of the veil, but we know this...we can trust Him. He is with you...you are not alone.

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  11. Jace's heart will continue to beat inside a baby and his liver will help another. In his tragic passing, Jace has been able to give two others a chance at life. So many prayers coming to you and your family.

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  12. You have an amazing perspective on this situation. I hve been reading your updates from a friend on facebook and my whole church and family is praying for you and your family. My heart goes out to you and breaks for you. I truly admire your strength and your faith. Jace was blessed to have you. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. I am praying he blesses you and comforts you during this time when you feel there is no comfort.

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  13. My name is Cris, and I don't know you or your son, but I lost my first and only child in utero, I just found your blog and I've been crying while reading every post. I'm just so so sorry for your loss. I wanted to know if I could carve Jace's name to add to my angel garden, Jace's organs are such an amazing gift, and I think I'd like to do something for Jace's memory. To almost thank him for what his organs will do for that other family. I am so sorry for loss. I can't even formulate into words any type of comfort for you, except to say that I'm thinking of your family right now, and hoping that some how, you will find comfort.


    xxCris

    www.gardenofgage.blogspot.com

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  14. Beautiful and incredible! It truly is bitter sweet. All I really can say is "AMEN" to every word you typed. May the Holy Spirit continue to use you and Jace to share the love of Jesus and increase the strength of fellow Christians who have not built their house on the solid rock. I have never met Jace but miss him like he was part of my life. Stacey and Leslie...continue to share Jace's love and life as well as Jesus grace. You are wonderful women. I love you all...

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  15. Love you Stacey! I wish I could be there to give you a hug!

    Love- tricia & hannah

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  16. Although we have never met, we have several friends in common. I started reading your blog a few days ago and I have been in deep prayer for your family. As a new father of 17 months I have been so touched by this. I am so amazed by your faith and courage that I have had to pray for myself to be more like you. Your heartfelt words have made such a huge impact on me over the past few days that I am forever in debt to you. Nobody knows why things like this happen, but I know God has used you and your story as a HUGE testament. I am going to love more, hug more, kiss more and thank GOD every time I pray for Jace, for your family, for your healing process and for the new lives that Jace has touched. May God guide you along your path to recovery and carry you when you don't feel like walking. You are an amazing person and Thank you for opening your heart when it seems so easy to keep it closed. You have made and impact on so many people. Much Love

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  17. Stacey thank you for being obdient to the Lord through all of this. May God richly bless you and uphold you during this time. You really hit the nail on the head with your statement -

    "but for those of you I am writing about now - Jesus still hasn't given up on you. I want you to meet Jace someday.

    This makes me think of the story Jesus told about the house built on the sand and the one built on the rock. My house isn't going to fall. If it can stand through this it can stand through anything. Some of you need to rebuild your houses in a better place."

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  18. I am so in awe of your strength and your sisters. Since our daughter had a mitochondrial disease it was not an option to donate organs, but I can imagine that is a very hard decision..and I think of Jace saving these other children and it makes my heart swell..he was a miracle when he was born and is a miracle (to many) in his death.. over the next few days my advice is to be gentle with yourselves. Allow yourselves to cry, to smile when you think of his sweet smile..whatever you feel at that moment is right.. and know all of the feelings you feel are normal..for so long I felt like I was crazy..if some one would have just shared..still praying for your sweet family..((hugs))

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  19. I am amazed by you perserverence and faith. Thank you for sharing. Jace was just as blessed to have you in his life as you were blessed to have him in yours. I am pretty sure that it was the love of you, your sister, and everyone around around him that helped him heal and grow into the loving, amazing child that he was. I for one cannot wait to meet Jace because his story and you blog has had a great impact on my life. I wish i could di something mire for you to take away the pain. My continued prayers are with you and your family.

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  20. I am at a loss for words not understanding the pain and devastation you and your family are going through. I am so sorry that you all had to lose such a wonderful little man. My family is praying for you all and have cried many tears with you over this not knowing how we would cope in your shoes. As a sister in the Lord, I pray that you will find hope in God and let him hold you until you are strong enough again to stand on your own two feet. You may never understand why this tragedy happened to you, but remember that His ways are not our ways and I promise you that He will never do anything to harm you. We are continuing to pray and trusting that the Lord will have vengence on the one who took this innocent life.

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  21. I heard about your son from a friend of mine who knew him, and it broke my heart. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your family. I can't wait to meet Jace in heaven. From the stories I heard, I can tell that you were a great mother and brought life to that little boy. I hope you can find peace in this difficult time. God Bless

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  22. I want to start off by saying I can feel your pain, and know the feeling of so much in such a small amount of time has happened. When you go from the fact of being told they have no way possible to survive to making it to the age they do, and then something like this happens. There's no justification in your heart or mind that is going to take away that pain, or emptiness feeling ever, except I do know through experience, that between the dononation of his organs, and family, friends and GOD himself, helps heal you enough to be able to go on each day, and keep loving n living. It's hard to imagine a week from now, but a year seems impossible. Take 1 day @ a time, and don't icsolate yourself, even with GOD by your side. Jace, is Another one of GOD'S perfect angels, my son, @ 3 mnths passed away will be waiting with open arms for jace. GOD BLESS

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  23. Bless you for sharing your special little boy with others. I always hope that if I'm in a similar situation that I can make that choice. I have thought of you and your family numerous time the past few days (since I read your post). Prayers are with you!!

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  24. Stacey I am in tears as I read this now. I have thought so many times how unfair it must be that other people (myself included) can hold their children at night when Jace is gone.
    You are so right when you say losing Jace without Jesus would be unbearable!!! I wish I could take all this away, as so many others must feel too! I love all of you, wish I could hug all of you, and will continue to do anything I can to help out until the end of time!!!
    You and Leslie are amazing women! Your sustenance throughout this will see you through the next stages!! I continue daily, all day, to think of you and pray for all of you!
    All my love,
    Joy

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  25. You are an amazing person! I am so glad through your grief you were able to share Jace with the world with organ donation. This way he can live on by giving these other children a second chance at a wonderful life! The pain will be intense but know that his spirit is always with you and the impact he had on those lives around him changed their lives. Our children are an amazing gift that lasts forever. My heart goes out to you in your time of need but you have an amazing strength of character to help get you through. God bless you and your family! You have inspired me to re-evaluate my life and how I live it!

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  26. What an incredibly brave and generous thing to do! In your own horrendous loss and grief, you are able to still think of others and give.

    I've been following along, praying, hoping, and holding all of you in my thoughts as you've struggled through what will be undoubtedly the biggest challenge of your lives. Please know that many many many people care and have grown to love you and Jace through your story.

    I am standing in the gap for you, I am praying for the children's lives who will be blessed by your gift, and I am also praying for justice.

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  27. Oh my gosh, can I just say how much you rock? Because you do! What an amazing post.

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  28. WOW! I am overcome with sorrow for you and your family!! I found your blog through the news story done by channel 6. I am so sorry for your loss and even though I was not around to pray for Jace's healing, I am here now and can pray for the peace and healing of the family's broken hearts and spirits! God is a good God!! So glad you have Him in your life to lean on!! God bless!!

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  29. Stacey and family. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I know it doesn't "help" to know that Jace's story is touching so many because I know you would rather that he be here with you, but his life and story will change the world. I am convinced of that.

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  30. Heard about Jace through Linda Duntley....been praying for story of victory for this little guy, so sorry the victory will be for the ones who receive his organs, rather than Jace himself. What a precious angel and though I share a faith of similar depth and breadth, I only pray should I face losing my precious miracle baby (who is now almost 11 years old) that I would remain steadfast in my love for my King and His sovereignty. I am praying for those he has left behind and wish to thank you for so willingly and eloquently sharing your heart during a time when words are truly inadequate.

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  31. Stacey,

    I just found your blog through a link provided at KOTV.

    I could barely read your blog, my heart goes out to you. You see, I nearly lost my oldest son 2 years ago due to a tragic accident. I know that the pain I felt then and feel now is nothing compared to the pain you are feeling; however, I completely empathize and sympathize with you and your family in their loss.

    There are days that I wish he wasn't here, that I wish he was in Jesus' arms and whole and at peace and happy and playing in Heaven. But, I know he is here for a reason.

    I pray for peace for your family, joy in knowing Jace is healing others, and hope for justice.

    Russell
    http://www.prayforaidan.com

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  32. Stacey, you are such an amazing person and are an inspiration to us all. What a thoughtful reminder to those who have given up hope. I am so proud to know you and your family even though I don't know you personally very well. I am inspired and encouraged by your words and am also very proud to have taught Jace at CCP. His smile is forever burned in my heart. You all are so courageous and what an awesome thing to know his organs have allowed other children to live. What a selfless thing for you all to decide to do. I'm not sure I could have done it which makes me admire you all the more. All my love and prayers today and continually!

    Heather

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  33. Stacy, I know we've not talked in years and for that I've always been sorry. I need to say I'm sorry that it took hearing about your hurt over Jace for me to be brave enough to contact you. I love you so dearly! You were one of my very best friends and I miss your friendship so often. Whenever I'm having a tough time I remember the "warm fuzzies" you used to make me (I still have many). I am praying for you and your entire family. I cannot imagine fighting through this hurt! I will never forget how you knew going into surgery after the shooting that I would be so worried about you that you told your mom to let me know you are okay. I know right now things are not okay and for that I hurt. When I read your blog about how to help I saw the part about closest friends not saying anything and it made me think I wish I had said something long time ago so I could be closer for you today. I love you very much! I will be praying for you. Cling tight to Jesus because as Jace said He will make you feel way better ~ way better than a warm fuzzy will. Candace Larkey-Morton.

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  34. I am nothing more than a distant acquaintance of one of Leslie's coworkers. I am a 31 year-old father of 2 boys, aged 1 and 3. My family lives in Kansas.

    I first learned of Jace's struggle through facebook, and even though I don't know your family, there hasn't been a day that I haven't cried my eyes out and prayed that your family finds peace and healing.

    I remember the day I first learned of Jace. At 5:30AM, my 3 year-old had gotten out of his bed and snuggled between me and his mommy. Normally, I get up at that time, but for some reason that morning I could not take my eyes off of him. I was an hour late for work that morning because I chose to hold my oldest while he slept in my arms.

    Later that day, I learned about Jace and your family and I haven't been the same since.

    The amazing thing about Jace and children in general is their beautiful innocence how many people they touch with it. It might be something as simple as making an elderly couple smile at his antics in the grocery store.

    Jace has touched and will continue to touch many more lives than you will ever know. Even complete strangers in Kansas like me. Jace makes me hug my wife and kids a little harder every day.

    I continue to pray for you with a heavy heart, and I admire your conviction to your faith!

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  35. I am amazed at your faith through all of this. I am praying for your family and also that I can have faith like you do. The real test of faith is through the hardest trials in life and the fact that through all of this you can hang on to that faith is inspiring!! So, for now I wrap my arms around you and your family along with so many others that have been touched by Jace's story. In only 3 years he has touched the lives of so many, what a legacy for him to leave. I am so glad that for the short time he was here he was surrounded by people that love him and taught him about the greatest love of all, his Heavenly Fathers love. God bless you all.
    Amber

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  36. Stacey- Your strong faith is absolutely amazing! I felt as if you were talking to me alone when you said some people need to re build their houses. It really hit me. That's what I need to do. that's EXACTLY what i need to do. i didn't realize until i read your words (which then tears started streaming down my face). Your journal really hit me today. Thank you for sharing -at probably the most difficult time in your life. You have changed my outlook on life. Oh my gosh. Re build my house in a better place. Why didn't i think of that? I felt like I was at a dead end until a few minutes ago. I have been struggling with many areas of my life-if not all. I guess I've been trying to repair the walls of my house with no success because they are too crumpled for repair. You're right I need new new walls on a much stronger foundation. I have a lot of thinking to do. Thank you again for sharing. My prayers are with you and your family. I look forward to meeting Jace someday. -michelle

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  37. I can't stop thinking of you and your family. Everything you must all be going through today I'm sure words cannot express. Jace has blessed 3 children with his gift of life today, what a generous thing you have done. I know God is smiling down at you, he thanks you for taking care of Jace the past few years and he is lucky to have him back. Be strong and know you have so many prayers coming your way, from many people like myself you do not personally know you, but love you!

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  38. we may not know each other, but Through the Lord we are sisters to the very core of our being. Your faith is touching so many lives and your witness is changing hearts. I grieve for you, mourn with you and join you in knowing that God was, is and always will be our Rock.

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  39. I can hear your words and cries as if you were in front of me. Your voice is real to me even though I've never met you. My heart hurts for what you and your family has gone through. I pray for justice. I pray for all the lives that Jace has touched. I pray for your family to look back on Jace's life and know every moment you were with him was a gift. Take comfort in knowing Jace is with his Father in Heaven now. Lord I pray that you wrap this family in Your love!!!! I pray you touch them with peace in their hearts knowing that Jace is safe and whole and holding Your hand. I wish I could be there to comfort you and cry with you. I wish I could take away your pain. You are in my heart and you are in my prayers!!!!!!!!!

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  40. Stacy, that is a truly powerful statement of faith. May God continue to hold you, may Jesus continue to strengthen you, and may the Spirit continue to fill you.

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  41. We've never met, but I found your blog through a friend's posting on facebook. I'm sure it's been read by a lot of people now, and it's very inspirational. I'm truly sorry for what happened for your family, and I know words can only do so much. But I want you to know I think it's wonderful that Jace will help other children, and that it's awesome that you can take comfort in Jesus. My cousin just lost her 21 year old son and I believe that's the only thing that will keep them going, knowing they will see him again someday and that he is rejoicing right now. I wish all the best for your family!

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  42. Stacy, your words are so captivating and real. Even through your grief you are an encouragement to others. May God comfort your soul. Keep fighting until the victory is won.
    Love,
    Tina Phillips

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  43. Stacey, bless you and your family! I can only assume that donating was a difficult decision. Thank you so much for your decision. My nephew was born with a heart problem (HLHS) and the option for a heart donation wasn't the best choice for him because there was a 4 month waiting list. At 2 weeks old he had a much needed surgery and he never recovered. I keep you and your family in my prayers.

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