I have seen God do awesome miracles. I was shot five times when I was a teenager and had no lasting injuries. My sister has been on death's door with anorexia and recovered. My mom survived breast cancer. The Broncos won two superbowls. Jace's life and development.
I want to believe so much that we are on the verge of another one of those miracles. I'm in all out bargaining mode, telling God that if Jace recovers even my friend Bob will have believe in Jesus and love him. I'm telling God that like the blind man Jesus healed that this happened to bring glory to God through Jace's healing. Then I have a tantrum and tell God - if you love me you will heal him.
I have seen miracles, but I have also watched my best friend's mom die while we begged for her healing. I have seen a friend lose her baby after being pregnant for six months. I have seen people live through pain they don't deserve.
I know my redeemer lives.
I'm afraid to hope too much. I'm afraid if believe too much and Jace dies that I will never believe again. I'm afraid God does not do what I want him to do when I want him to do it.
Before he healed him, Jesus asked a man in the Bible something like - "Do you believe?" The man answered. "I believe. Lord help me overcome my unbelief." Sorry I'm too lazy to look up references. See all it took was the man WANTING to believe. I desperately want to believe, and yesterday Andrea Keown told me that in those moments I could not find hope, she would do it for me. She would believe on my behalf. She would stand in the gap.
I am scared. I am weak. I want to believe.
Please stand in the gap for me and for Jace.
A couple of weeks ago, Jace was at my house, and I started crying. I said, "Jace I'm sad I don't live with you anymore. What will make me feel better?" I was hoping for a hug. Jace answered confidently, "Jesus."
Jace believes. I wan't to believe.
A few updates:
There is at least SOME brain activity. They can't tell what type or how good that is or not, but still SOMETHING is better than nothing.
His swelling is increasing but so far he is still handling it. We are told the next 24 hours are the most crucial and that they have maxed out the medications that will control the swelling. Either the swelling will peak and then go down, or the swelling will become more than his brain can handle and he'll die.
Please please pray. When he was a baby and his oxygen levels were low, I used to sing this to Jace.
Jesus loves Jace this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong. They are weak but my God is so strong.
Yes, Jesus loves Jace. Yes, Jesus loves Jace. Yes, Jesus loves Jace. The Bible tells me so.
He will heal your heart and mind. He will heal your eyes and lungs. Give you hope and grow you tall. Bring you peace and make you strong.
Yes, Jesus Loves Jace. Yes, Jesus loves Jace. Yes, Jesus loves Jace. The Bible tells me so.
I know Jesus is holding and singing over him now. Please pray for him. I am begging you. The world and I need him. Thank you for your overwhelming love and support.